literature

The Hole in the Sky

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DyskoDelThunderback's avatar
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Literature Text

The grey sunless dawn had a glare that made the eyes sore. The couple trekked on, following the cracked stretch of tarmac that yawned into forever.

Let’s sing something. She always spoke unexpectedly.
Okay, he answered.
Pick something you want to sing.
Um, I can’t remember any songs.
Oh.
I mean like, the lyrics. I can remember pieces of songs. But not something really good. Besides like Slipknot or something.
Nope.
Well what do you want to sing then?
I don’t know.
Oh.
Yep.
Okay.

They stopped at a disused gas station. Shelves had been upturned into ramshackle barricades for what was once a glass wall, now shattered. Graffiti and dust clung to the walls and floor. No food or cigarettes were left. They shared a can of vienna sausages and drank the pot liquor in the bottom of the can and drank some water. He adjusted the device on his arm, and cleaned the crevices and joints as best he could, applying some of the grease he had scavenged from ruined cars. You’d never guess it was such a powerful thing, she remarked as she searched the building for tinder.
Yeah. He flexed his arm, wriggled it, let it hang loose. The metal joints followed with little complaint. She packed some scant bits of tinder and read the map while he examined the blade of his sword. They rested. Then they stood up and continued down the road.

She saw it first. A hole in the sky reflecting no light at all and appearing to have no edges or curves or even depth. She stopped and stared. Look. He stopped walking and looked up.
Move. Move. Get away from it now. They abandoned the buggy and ran for a rock formation that afforded scant protection from sight. From there they watched the hole. It popped in and out of existence, crossing distances of several miles at a time, appearing in seemingly random places with no visible path of motion. She said his name. What is it?
I don’t know. But it destroyed the test facility while I was getting out with godlift. He made a vague motion with the device on his arm. I think it wanted it. Look, he sputtered, look look look look. He pointed in the distance. The hole was over the gas station they had stopped in miles back. See? It’s looking for godlift.
Suddenly, something felt sharply wrong. As if somehow the hole was focusing its attention on them. A lifeless eye, its focused silence far more horrible than its stare.
The hole began edging in their direction. The device began emitting yellow-orange light and the centripetal rotors began spinning randomly like combination locks. All the while it clicked and chirped like a bizarre alarm. The woman froze and the man scrambled to silence the device. No no no no no no no no no. The hole drew closer to them, appearing in and out of the sky as if illuminated by flashes of lightning. As it drew nearer, the device grew more eager. As if it wanted to be found. Its tracking us! The end of the device, hidden on the man’s hand, glowed bright with coral colored light. He suddenly bellowed in pain as the main shaft, built around his forearm, glowed with the same energy. In a burst of amber force the couple were flung on their backs. The two were left looking at the sky. The hole was gone, but the clouds were twisted in an impossible streak. They laid there, staring at the matter of the clouds intersecting itself. The device had quieted but continued to whir and a coral light near the man’s elbow winked slowly.

They lay in the blackness. The man was just as blind with his eyes closed as open. Only their whispers existed in the empty night.
You’re so quiet tonight.
I’m sorry.
No, it’s not bad, but just, why are you?
Thinking.
What about?
Nothing.
Honey come on.
It’s nothing.
Please.
She shifted next to him but said nothing. He held her closer. She curled into his chest. For a few moments he couldn’t hold her tight enough. Please tell me? he breathed to her throat.
Don’t worry about it.
The man didn’t ask again. They lay awake for a long time, holding onto each other and hearing the other breathe. She spoke long after he thought she was asleep.
If that thing came back right now we wouldn’t see it would we?
That brought him up short. No. The device might act up again though.
Maybe.
Maybe it would save us again.
Maybe.

That night the couple dreamed of colorless holes and screaming alarms.
Another story including my two characters in the world imagined by Cormac MCarthy's book "The Road".

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© 2013 - 2024 DyskoDelThunderback
Comments7
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cas42's avatar
What could be done to make the story better?

Hmm... Well, that depends on what you wanted to do with it.

As it stands right now, It is a great little one moment vignette, where you just set a scene and a mood and let the reader fill in the rest of the world and 'what happens next'.

If you wanted to add to this, turn it into an introduction to a longer story about the man and the woman, it would easily work in that capacity. Personally I'm totally hooked and would be sucked right in to whatever happens next.

Anyway... Improvements: The feel I get as a reader from this story is that it fits into the 'dark adventure' category You've got the godlift device as a macguffin, you've established the dystopia with the drinking of the Vienna sausage juice (Ick and bravo. That was a wonderful touch) You've even given the man a sword. If you're truly going for the soul crushing, end of the world, oppression that was in 'The Road' (Which is what is what I think you say you're going for in the above comment) You've got to give the main characters less of a hero feel and more of an 'everyman' feel. People expect their heroes to triumph... Do you see what I'm getting at or am I doing a crummy job explaining?

Personally, I like feel of the protagonists and the story as is. But I like my apocalypses to have that potential ray of sunshine at the end. I wouldn't change a thing... but I would build on it.

Does this make sense? Does it help?

-Cas